


Having You Is the Greatest Gift of All

by Eggsyobsessed



Series: Hang Your Stockings for St. Nick (2019) [3]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Temporary Character Death, Christmas, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Like...Okay This Got Sadder Than I Expected, M/M, Merlin POV, Percival is A Good Friend, new traditions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22022056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eggsyobsessed/pseuds/Eggsyobsessed
Summary: It's Merlin's first Christmas without Harry, and Percival is there to help. What first starts out as a friend helping a friend, it soon turns into a tradition. One that Merlin isn't ever expecting to come to an end, until an anonymous call from Kentucky.
Relationships: Harry Hart | Galahad/Merlin
Series: Hang Your Stockings for St. Nick (2019) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1581106
Comments: 12
Kudos: 33
Collections: 2019 Kingsman Stocking Stuffers





	Having You Is the Greatest Gift of All

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MHMoony](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MHMoony/gifts).



> Okay. This is for MHMoony who asked for: Merlin and Percival spending Christmas/New Years together post-TSS but pre-TGC (but also ending like happy and stuff). And this is what I came up with. 
> 
> It starts off heavy angst, but it does get better and a Happy Ending!! Promise!
> 
> I hope you enjoy, MHMoony, and had a Happy Holiday and have a Happy New Year!
> 
> And, as always, a shout out to Snafu07 for the beta read!

It’s the first, but of course it’s going to be the first of many, holidays Merlin has had to endure without Harry. He had sent out cards, gift baskets, and Happy Holidays to their families; just as Harry would want him to. But he couldn’t, even if life itself depended on it, bring himself to attend Harry’s Mother’s annual Christmas Eve party. It wasn’t like they’d shun him or turn him away, and the invitation was surely extended; he just didn’t feel right. And perhaps it had to do with coming face to face with the woman who had brought the love of his life into the world, who had mourned an empty casket beside Merlin just 6 short months ago.

Merlin couldn’t do it and he knew Harry would be disappointed in his lack of strength. But he’d like to see the ponce move on without HIM, not that Harry would ever have to know. It was he who had to carry on, forge a new set of recruits, and help clean the world while they haphazardly put Kingsman back together. He was shocked to say the least, when discovered as many blown heads as he had when returning back to HQ. Some of their best were gone due to the implant implosion they had no choice but to exploit, and now he was down 4 good men, a King, and several support staff; Merlin was shamed.

But he kept on and keeping on meant spending his very first Christmas without Harry, without the man he had promised a lifetime of companionship. Merlin sat in their shared living room that still contained all the remnants of Harry. The silly old, stuffie photos of his family - at least several generations past - the shadow boxes that housed the many butterflies he had found on missions, exotic and familiar alike. How could he take them down? Even when looking at them hurt so much.

He had managed to put up the tree, how he did was still a mystery and maybe the empty bottle of scotch, and a pounding headache the next day were to explain. Regardless, it was just a bare artificial tree, nothing like the real pine Harry would have insisted on. They kept a small, table top one in the attic in an event they couldn’t be home for the Holiday, and it had been so rare but still set up in the hallway; it was the first thing guests saw.

Another sad reality. Harry had always hosted a grand festive meal on Christmas day, one where he’d invite a few friends, and agents from Kingsman. Merlin would always invite his parents, who every year turned it down in favor to spend it with his sister Maggie. It never bothered him, not really, because he had Harry and they always held a spectacular New Year’s Eve party that his Mum and Da had come to. But as Merlin stared at the small tree, the box of ornaments on the floor - unopened and waiting to be placed on each branch with care - Merlin wished they’d come.

It wasn’t as if he’d invited them, he hadn’t, and Merlin rather thought that would be a cause for alarm with the lack of a festive card beckoning them to enjoy a dinner so lovingly prepared by a man who was just as wonderful. Merlin wiped away the few tears that had gathered at the corners of his eyes; Harry wasn’t here to be the cheerful host and he was left to be the scrooge that his love would so stubbornly pick fun about. It usually bothered Merlin, but he found himself wishing Harry was here to say ‘bah humbug’ just to get a rise out of him. One that usually ended up with an argument, but then the best fucking sex under their lit Christmas tree.

He had no words to speak, though he sort of wanted to talk out loud, or yell, anything at Harry just to hear him respond snarkily; his nose tipped in the air and flounce about like the peacock he was. But the house is quiet, too quiet, and it’s almost deafening. Merlin heaved himself off the sofa in search of the telly remote; he had no real interest in watching anything, just needed the background noise. The black Samsung plastic was beneath a pizza box and used napkins; he really needed to clean up. And so Merlin turned the BBC news on, grabbed the rubbish bin and began removing the days old takeout containers, boxes of half eaten pizza, and paper plates. He could practically hear Harry yelling at him over the mess.

“Aye, I’ve let the flat go.” Merlin tossed the full bag out and took a new one to finish in the kitchen. “You’d be rolling in yer grave with-” He stopped short. Harry wouldn’t be doing anything, because there was never a body to recover, and that hurt more than anything else. Merlin hadn’t the closure. They scoured all of Kentucky and anywhere else, but came up empty. The grief was crushing as Merlin sank to the floor and cried helplessly against the counter.

There were so many things he wished just then, wished Harry hadn’t been the one they sent out, wished he had shot Valentine first, and most of all just wished he were here. Merlin was so wrapped up in his despair it took him a moment to register a knock at his door. It was precise, 3 wraps and a pause. A specific 30 second pause before another set of 3. Merlin messily wiped his face as he rose off the floor and headed towards the door. He wasn’t surprised by who stood on the other side with offerings in each hand.

Percival took a good look at him, nodded, and came in without Merlin having to tell him.

Merlin took his coat, hat, and scarf to hang - careful to avoid the specific hook that once held Harry’s - and went back to the kitchen with Percival just a few paces behind him. He was glad he didn’t say anything, just gathered another bag, and helped Merlin. They worked in comfortable silence. Percival’s presence was appreciated more than Merlin could put into words and he wasn’t trying very hard to find the voice to extend gratitude.

An hour passed and his kitchen resembled one that even Harry would be proud of; the thought tugged at his heart and caused a small smile to form on his lips.

“Thank you,” Merlin whispered.

“You did it for me,” Percival answered simply. He was right.

They had gone to Percival’s flat and helped him get his life in sorts after James' death. Merlin tried for an appreciative smile; and though it felt tight, he hoped it genuine.

Percival darted out of the room and was soon back with the bags he had brought earlier.

“I brought some sweet and sour chicken and some cliche Christmas movies that James and I used to watch.” Merlin could feel his composure slipping; his friend was too kind, so much more than he deserved.

Once upon a time, there used to be Sunday meals, monthly game nights, and more so often after James was no longer here. But the past 6 months Merlin had avoided any form of friendships and barely socialized outside of work if he could help it. And here Percival was bringing good cheer, some hope for Merlin to get past this day as painlessly as possible.

“We don’t have to watch the movies,” Percival promised as he put down his offerings and came around the island to pull Merlin into a hug. Merlin sagged against the embrace while allowing a soft sob to course through him.

He hadn’t realized Percival had led them out of the kitchen and into the front room. Merlin’s tears were a steady stream, because Christmas was Harry’s favorite, and he was doing a piss poor job at celebrating a Holiday that once brought him joy. If only to see the smile on Harry’s face.

“Ye don’t have to stay,” Merlin argued, even as Percival started stringing lights on the tree, carefully placing ornaments on branches while ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ played in the background. He noted Percival avoided the sentimental ones and so Merlin came beside him to hang them where Harry would have liked them.

Another familiar silence fell over them as they worked in unison and Percival didn’t say anything when Merlin held their first Christmas ornament to his chest and wept; Harry’s name whispered from trembling lips. Again, he couldn’t articulate how much this meant to him, how Harry would be glad Merlin had done something so heartbreakingly painful; he felt like his heart would literally split in two.

Instead, he leaned against Percival as the lights flickered and shined, changing from colored to bright white in time with the melody of jingle bells; because Harry liked the corny set, so much that Merlin had repaired it 4 times in the 2 decades they’d been together. After what felt like a lifetime they wandered to the couch and Merlin didn’t fight off the arms that were wrapped around him tightly, while they finished the movie.

Merlin waited until it was over, Percival had put in A Christmas Story, and was halfway through when he said, “Please tell me it gets better.”

Percival shifted beside him but never took his eyes off the screen. “I can’t tell you it goes away, but it’s less...intense.”

“Christmas was his favorite,” Merlin whispered thickly, another string of tears threatening to consume him.

“Easter was James.”

“Do you celebrate it?”

“I do.” That puzzled Merlin. “Because it was special to him, and doing the things we did together seemed to dull the ache. Never took it away, but enough that I could enjoy the traditions we created together,” Percival went on to say.

Merlin sat through a White Christmas before he spoke again. “I could...I could join ye on Easter,” he offered. It had to be lonely doing it on his own and if Merlin could make it a little more bearable, he’d do it.

“I’d like that.” He could hear the sincerity in the 3 simple words. Surely how much that would mean to him, just as this had for Merlin.

They sat through 2 more movies before heating up soggy sweet and sour chicken, and enjoying a martini Merlin made; he mixed it just as Harry did, straight gin. It wasn’t as hard as he would have figured, and when Percival stood to leave, just after midnight, Merlin was missing Harry but somehow his friend had helped him create his presence with just the simplest of decorations.

“You remember our New Years Eve parties?” Merlin asked while Percival dressed to brave the cold; Percival nodded. “I’m not ready for anything that big, but I think it would help if you’d join me. That is, of course, if you’re free.”

A warm smile spread over his lips as Percival came to cup Merlin’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

“I do believe my schedule allows for that and I’d very much like to,” he promised. Percival turned to the door, but not before he gazed at Merlin; concern shined in his blue eyes. “Will you be alright?”

Merlin looked back at the small tree in their living room, seeing how it still twinkled and sparkled in time to the music playing from the music box at the end of the strand, and for once felt a little peace. Just a tiny weight lift off of his heart and somehow the warmth of Harry settled there.

“Aye.” He turned his eyes to Percival. “I think I’m going to be.”

Percival pulled him in for a warm embrace before bidding his departure.

Merlin stood there a moment, just watched how the snow covered his tracks - it was the first in such a long time since they’d had snow like this - and headed to watch the lights dance off beige walls, and watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas; it was their favorite, after all.

\---

New Years came and went, and just as promised Percival showed up on his doorstep with a pricey bottle of champagne and a store-bought platter of cheese and crackers. The cheese was dry, crackers stale, and the champagne too sweet but somehow it was fucking perfect.

And somehow the holidays started to creep up on them. Merlin showed up at Percival’s for Easter with a brown-sugar honey ham Harry would have been proud of and an apple torte out of Harry’s recipe box. Which Merlin had made 3 other times, because he had burned the first attempts.

But they got by and the Kingsman was thriving, Merlin no longer needing to oversee the new Arthur, who had been transferred from their Berlin branch, and their junior agents were doing well. Somehow Eggsy and Roxy had taken to the newest ones, almost like big brother and sister birds to the new ‘chicks’; Merlin was so proud. He gave a nightly toast to Harry when he was home, and often made gin martinis - that somehow Merlin grew to love - each afternoon; because his partner had been a functional alcoholic.

Even with the way the world kept spinning, lives were lived, and Kingsman continued to save the world, Christmas still came to a halt. It was as if time stood still for Merlin and the crippling angst spread through his chest, threatened to take over every ounce of strength Merlin had mustered up to bring the Christmas decorations down. And yet there Percival was, just like his rock, right next to him as he decorated the tree, added some garland to the mantel, and hung the mistletoe like he once had when Harry was around.

Merlin found comfort and solace in Percival’s presence as they ate shitty Chinese take out, watched old Christmas movies, and had martinis until they were both singing White Christmas off key. It was great, he felt good, and Merlin knew Harry would be pleased he had made it through his 2nd Christmas without him.

Again, time moved on, the season’s changed, and holidays spent creating new traditions with a friend who knew his loss; shared his feelings. Merlin suspected as November rolled around time would stop; it always did around this time. But for reasons other than the impending holiday.

It was a cool, rainy night when an anonymous call came in with the secret code for when an agent was compromised. Merlin listened in to the call, because only Arthur could answer, and his heart stopped.

The voice that garbled through was too familiar. Merlin could taste the sweet peppermint of his toothpaste, as he spoke ‘oxfords not brogues’ only Harry’s code, one he knew.

“Kentucky,” Harry slurred. “Statesman.” Merlin couldn’t speak. It was like someone had severed his vocal cords. “It’s me. Home.” Each word was carefully said, but there was no denying that was Harry. His Harry.

As it turned out Statesman had tried to reach them for 5 months, but because Harry’s speech hadn’t been good enough, Kingsman wouldn’t address the calls. Merlin felt a plethora of things, anger, deceit, relief, and most of all an overwhelming yearn to see Harry, just to hold him close.

Merlin had to wait a painstakingly 4 and a half weeks before he could hold him. No matter how much he argued, Merlin knew Arthur was right; he was too close to the situation and so they sent Percival and Lancelot to retrieve their agent. No one was surprised that Merlin didn’t sleep the entire length of their flight home and even less shocked when he waited in the hangar for him.

Late Christmas Eve they landed. “Easy,” Percival said gently, as he guided a wobbly Harry from the plane.

He was worn, thinner, a black patch where his left eye used to be, hair grey and unkempt - not at all like Harry Hart - but it was him just the same.

Harry caught sight of Merlin while obtaining his bearings with the cane clutched in his right and Percival’s hand in his left. A slow, lopsided smile creased new lines on his face.

“Hamish,” Harry said, each syllable spoken slowly.

Emotion choked off Merlin’s windpipe, made it impossible to speak, as he ran forward and took Harry in his arms nearly knocking him over. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, or how long they held one another, but when they pulled away with mirrored expressions of love, eyes wet, and soft gazes that said a million things without having spoken a word; they were alone.

“Harry,” Merlin finally managed as a shaky hand cupped his cheek. “I’ve missed you.” He knew what had happened, who had found him, and why it took so long for Harry to find home. But Merlin didn’t care as the clock struck midnight, and he wouldn’t have to spend the next 24 hours wondering how he’d get by without Harry. Because he was right here; the best Christmas gift of all.

“Take me home.” Is what Harry said.

And with that, Merlin took Harry home where they spent the whole day in bed as Merlin touched each surface of Harry’s skin, forced himself to remember the feel of his body, and shared lingering, soft kisses throughout Christmas day.


End file.
